Eyes Wide Shut: The billion dollar industry solving a problem that doesn't exist

Like most women, I’ve had to work on my body image since I was a teenager. From the moment I read my first Seventeen and Cosmo magazines, “no woman really looks like that” and “I love myself just the way I am” are mantras I’ve had to adopt to preserve my self-esteem. 

Over the years, I’ve also been able to maintain a fairly healthy self image by appreciating my good points while trying not to obsess over my not-so-good-points. However, I admit to being frustrated by “advancements” that seem to diminish the uniqueness of what I’ve embraced as my good points. For instance, the earliest memory I have of being usurped by technology was my eye color. I have blue eyes, and particularly when I was younger, people would remark on them. Unfortunately, “What big blue eyes you have!” was replaced by “Is that your real eye color?” when colored contact lenses came on the scene. One good point I could no longer see as defining me – because anyone could have the same eye color or better for $99. 

Another example - I was blessed with nice tatas at an early age. When they came out, I was so happy – finally, no longer a wallflower! I owned something special, right out there where the boys could appreciate them! Typically two cup sizes larger than most of my friends, I remember being able to ignore things that I didn’t like about my appearance by appreciating my better features. “Well, my legs are a little crooked, but hey, at least I’ve got a D cup!” But sadly, technology plowed ahead once again and took with it an appreciation of one of my natural assets. In the 80s and 90s, breast augmentation became all the rage, and even as early as high school, I remember boys asking me if my boobs were real. 

Silicone (not to mention wonder bras and water bras) took away something that I had previously seen as uniquely setting me apart. Of course the boys still looked, but I couldn’t help but think they were questioning if I was what I seemed. The few physical features I liked about myself were being quickly ticked off a very short list by the cosmetic industry. (I can say the same thing for my lips, hair color, skin tone, and any number of things that we can so alter that the bodies we were born with aren’t unique anymore.) 

All of that resentment has mostly faded as I’ve gotten older. I’ve come to understand that just because I didn’t need those particular advancements didn’t mean other girls didn’t need or want them to improve their appearances. The industry responds to demand, right? And whether people think my eye color is real or enhanced, I still get compliments on them. Whether women can improve their chest size doesn’t mean that my natural beauties aren’t still fabulous in the light of day! 

Self-acceptance aside, I can’t help but notice that the cosmetic industry today seems to be working in the reverse. Things most of us didn’t even comprehend as a “feature” we should worry about are now identified for us by the industry as things we should want to improve - and a technological advancement we didn’t even know we needed is out there to make it happen. Stuff we didn’t even know we were supposed to be insecure about we’re now insecure about!

Case in point: The $1 billion a year mascara industry. Of all the things I worried about when criticizing my teenage body and image, it never occurred to me to hate my eye lashes. Sure, mascara has been around a long time. I’m even old enough to remember when blue mascara was all the rage. But apparently, while I was busy trying to accept myself, the problem of the thin eye lash became a serious epidemic! Who knew? Sure, there are some women who lose eyelashes, don’t have many, or worse, who pull them out as a bad habit; but surely this doesn’t call for dozens of commercials about volumizing, defining, lengthening, separating, curling, and growing eye lashes does it?

Did you know that you aren’t at your sexiest unless you have luscious, magnified, bold, extreme, lush and dramatic eyelashes? You need “big, bold, look at me” lashes according Drew Barrymore in her LASHBLAST Covergirl ads. And did you know you can stop traffic with your eyelashes?? Yves Saint Laurent says you can! Revlon wants you to use their GROW LUSCIOUS, DOUBLETWIST or DEFINITION mascaras. Don’t forget the COLOSSAL VOLUM from Maybelline New York or LASH ACCELERATOR from Rimmel London. 

In addition to mascara (and the old standby glue-on eye lashes or standard eye lash curler), you can also get a prescription for Latisse for your “inadequate” lashes! Sweep it on your eye lids, and in weeks you’ll have longer, darker lashes. The potential side-effects include a permanent change to your iris pigmentation. But who cares about that? You can always get colored contacts to fix your new brown eyes back to blue. And the commercials will have you believe that now that Brook Shields has longer, fuller, darker lashes, she can go to birthday parties and dance with strange men – surely she could never have achieved these feats without Latisse! Claire Danes can run into friends with their dogs on the street, meet girlfriends for lunch and go window shopping! I’m sure before she solved her baby lash problem, she stayed in a dark room. 

What are these commercials really saying? You should be embarrassed of your eyelash volume. How dare you have fun with skimpy lashes? If you don’t buy mascara or get a prescription, you’ll never stop traffic. Because bigger is better and you’re just regular. Pair beautiful women in bright colors against white backgrounds with pounding, upbeat music and flash words like “MASSIVE” and “LUSCIOUS” and statistics like “80% fuller”, and we women are convinced we’ve got yet another physical feature that needs improvement – add it to the list. 

Do you know there are literally hundreds of kinds of mascara now? Maybelline itself has 34 different mascara products on their website! In the 80s and 90s, I remember a variety of different colors (black, brown, clear and, of course, the fashionable blue) and either waterproof or not. And fake eyelashes and tips were also the norm. But were there really so many ways to tackle the “eyelash problem” back in the day as there are now?

Do we need this war being waged against the weak eyelash – or does the fashionable media, perpetuated by the cosmetic industry, tell us we need it? 

Well, I refuse. That’s right, Covergirl! I refuse to accept your war on the inadequate lash! You got me on my cheek bones need to be higher, my lips need to be fuller, and my eyelids need to be smokier. Like everything else I’ve had to accept about myself as a woman, I’ll just have to learn to live with the fact that my tiny little normal lashes will never help me hail a cab. 

 

Still Here

I know I haven't written in a while, but I'm still here and still thinking about writing! I have a 2 week road trip coming up in a few days and I intend to blog my experiences. Please stay tuned!

10 Ways to Modernize Your Home

Why is it such a big deal to be “modern”? What value do modern kitchen cabinets or other contemporary updates add to your home, especially when you’ve always enjoyed traditional décor? Two words: resale value!

You may like a traditional look, and there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as “traditional” doesn’t translate to your potential buyers as “outdated”. Here are 10 ways to ensure it doesn’t, by modernizing your home for a better resale value:

1. Improve Exteriors – Curb appeal is important. Keep it clutter-free and avoid overgrown shrubbery or plain rows of evergreen bushes. Mix it up with rich foliage in attractive groups of threes and fives, rather than the more traditional pairings. Add perennial flowers for color and mulch to give everything a finished look. (Black mulch is a more modern touch than traditional brown shades.)

2. Paint – The traditional pre-sale procedure is to blast everything in neutrals so a buyer will not be turned off by your personal taste and will feel the freedom to put his or her own personality into the home. Neutral paints are still popular, but there’s something to be said for showing potential buyers the home’s potential with a little pop – try an accent wall in high traffic areas like the living room, dining room or kitchen in a bold, eye-catching color. With improvements in today’s paints, covering a dark red or blue wall is much easier to do than it used to be if they want to change it!

3. Update the kitchen – It’s one of the first rooms potential buyers look at. Concentrate on the flooring, countertops, sink, lighting and cabinetry. Kitchens should have a clean feel, so replace any flooring that is buckling or cracking. Granite and marble countertops are a modern touch and will make any cook feel like a professional. Replace the sink if it’s a shallow, single basin. Two basin, stainless steel sinks will immediately improve kitchen value. Remember to enhance the lighting scheme with contemporary fixtures and high wattage bulbs – even at night, the kitchen should have a light, airy feel.

Finally, the number one way to improve the look of your kitchen is with modern kitchen cabinets. Potential buyers can go any way they want with styling and accessories, but the cabinets themselves are the framework for the space and should look contemporary, timeless and durable.

Keep in mind, kitchens are gathering places. Custom cabinets, fresh paint and new, energy-efficient appliances are obvious places to start and the first thing potential buyers will notice, but they will find your kitchen more inviting if there is an island, breakfast bar and cozy stools for the busy modern family to enjoy a quick meal together. If you have a small, uninviting kitchen, consider opening or enlarging this space before making expansive additions to the house elsewhere.

4. Frame it - Put up wood trim and cornicing for an upgraded, contemporary look. Accentuate newly painted walls with ceiling trim and armchair railing. Replace old light switches and outlets, as updating to more modern switches, plates and fixtures implies that the home has newer electrical wiring.

5. Dress up the floors - Hardwood flooring is always fashionable and can be updated to a contemporary look with throw rugs. Woods floors are more versatile than carpet. If you have covered hardwood floors, check their condition by pulling up a small piece of your existing carpet in a discrete location, like the corner of a closet. Refinishing floors is an inexpensive update, especially if you do it yourself. If you don’t have hardwoods under your carpet, at a minimum have them cleaned, and ideally look into inexpensive laminate wood floors. (Laminate floors also give kitchens a more modern look than vinyl tile or ceramic squares.)

6. Update the bathroom – Next to the kitchen, it’s the most common place potential buyers look for improvements. You can still keep a traditional look (read claw tubs and pedestal sinks) with modern convenience. Consider timer fans, heated floors and updated lighting. Like new light switches and outlets will give the impression of updated wiring, so too will updated bathroom fixtures give the impression of newer plumbing. Replace or paint outdated cabinets for a clean, fresh feel and don’t forget to update their hardware. Sometimes it’s the little things that impact buyers the most.

7. Make room for media – A den used to be an optional room, but today’s families desire space for computers and game consoles. Even if you do your computer work from a laptop in your bedroom and don’t own an X-box, create a space where a potential buyer can picture an office or media room. Make sure the space isn’t in a secluded area of the home. Modern parents want to keep the family computer in a visible place.

8. Improve storage – Modern home owners have more need for storage than ever. Counter space and table tops are needed for TV remotes, cell phones and charging stations for the many electronic gadgets. This means the traditional items you’d expect to keep out in the open need to be tucked away. Look at ways to improve closets and cabinets with organizers or permanent shelving to maximize empty space.

9. Improve energy efficiency - If your home is in a hot, humid climate, install ceiling fans, especially in second floor bedrooms. This is an inexpensive investment that will increase the home's energy efficiency and improve its perceived value. In addition, add insulation, make sure you have fresh caulk to seal leaks, and upgrade to energy-efficient windows, doors, and skylights. If you invest in these changes, make sure to highlight them to buyers. Efforts to improve energy efficiency are not easily perceived during a walk-through.

10. Stage It – Lastly, when you’ve made all your updates, throw on the finishing touches with modern accessories that will brighten up your home. Candles (unscented for the kitchen), mirrors, rugs, and throw pillows are easy ways to renew the energy of a room. Highlight your beautiful custom cabinets in the kitchen with bowls of fresh fruit and shiny appliances, even if you don’t use them on a daily basis (like a new blender or bread maker). Finally, don’t forget to show off all your changes with bright light bulbs.

Sex & the City 2 Movie Review: 2 out of 4 Jimmy Choo’s

Movie sequels are great when the first installment has left you wanting or needing more - when everything in the first movie hasn’t been tied up in a nice bow, and there are questions left unanswered. So why a Sex and the City 2, when everything about the first movie was tying up all the loose ends?

I was skeptical about the need for a second installment of Sex and the City, but I went to see it today on Opening Day anyway. Why? Because even though all the answers were given in the first one, I love the characters. I couldn’t imagine not knowing what Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda were up to and where else they had to go. It would be like dropping my best friend right in the middle of our friendship for no other reason than because everything was good just how it was and I felt we’d experienced everything there was to experience in our friendship. Oh - and I didn’t want to miss the outrageous clothing and shoes. 

What I liked:

1. The characters stay true to themselves and they don’t mess with perfection.
2. Samantha’s character embraces her age without depressing me. ( I thought her plotline in the first movie wasn’t great. They took a fun character and made you want to slap her around by the third scene.)
3. The ladies get out of New York and show us another world we haven’t seen before. (One of the things I always loved about the series was that they showed me a side of New York I never got to see. They do the same for us with the Middle East.)
4. Carrie and Big do not try to climb out of their self-perceived marriage rut by having children.
5. Sarah Jessica lost the trademark chin mole, making her look more like Glenda the Good Witch than the wicked one.

What I didn’t like:

1. Not as much emotion. There isn’t the same sentimentality of the first one, although I concede that if they’d carried that into the sequel, it might have been a little one-trick pony. Carrie has another trauma, but not on the scale of the first one. Big leaving Carrie at the altar gave me a lump in my throat and everything about it was believable. Without spoiling the plot, Carrie’s trauma in this one doesn’t measure up and feels contrived.
2. The Charlotte plot-line. I know they had to give her one, but I had a hard time feeling sorry for her and her family problems when she has such a blessed life – like a full-time nanny and a full-time husband.
3. Not quite as funny as the first one. There were many chuckle moments, but no belly laughs for me.
4. The gay wedding – I was promised a gown bigger and better than the Vivian Westwood Carrie wore in the first movie for her failed wedding. All I got was a white suit. And Carrie’s “hat” in the wedding scene was laughable.  Just saying.
5. Not as many “sexy” shockers – In the first movie, we saw actual penis (shower scene), a humping dog, someone pooing in her pants, an unkempt bikini line, and almost full front nudity from Miranda.

Sexiest Moment:

The four ladies coming over the sand dune with the Sex and the City theme song playing Middle Eastern style. Don’t know why, just a good moment. Like their friendship transcending culture, space and time. Or maybe it was just that I like that tune and the clothes rocked. One of those.

Least Sexy Moment:

Samantha in the market at the end, with all the condoms. (Don’t want to say more and spoil.) Why was this my least favorite moment? It scared me!  I wanted to be right there, pulling her away and throwing some clothes on her.  It gave me flashbacks to girls-night-outs when I had to keep my girlfriends from doing something monumentally stupid.

So, that’s my first ever movie review.  I give it 2 out of 4 Jimmy Choos. (Note: Any Jimmy Choo shoes are great in my ranking system, unless there are no Jimmy Choo’s at all.) Not quite as good as the first, but holds its own. I predict regular fans will not really like it, hardcore fans will like it but not as much as the first, and the box office will still love it because it's got more potential than most other things out right now (besides Iron Man 2, which I should review, too, because I saw that one last week).

I would write more, but seeing Sex & the City 2 on opening day was my birthday gift to self – and my birthday still has some life left in it!

5 Albums/ 5 Months - Music Reviews by guest author Stephen Sharbatz

May is now upon us and it seems like a perfectly suitable arbitrary time to assess this year’s music releases thus far.  There are a lot of good albums to consider, but there have only been a few albums that I have come across this year that could potentially get my vote as album of the year (my vote is very influential you know).  Here are my top five of 2010 along with a few other categories.  Please share your picks, I am constantly searching for new favorites.

5.  She & Him – Volume II
This album is a little tough to recommend as one of the year’s best.  Despite critical kudos, I still find it a tad embarrassing to enjoy She & Him, I would almost categorize them as a guilty pleasure.  While M. Ward delivers stellar production that is perfectly suited to singer Zooey Deschenel’s somewhat limited, but altogether enchanting, voice, the result is musical confection.  Deschenel’s lyrics could sometimes be described as trite, saccharine, and simplistic, which is the main reason for my subdued enthusiasm for the album.  Deschenel’s saving grace is that she comes off a sweetly naïve rather than amateurish or out of her element.  As I mentioned, the album is ultimately ear candy; it is okay in moderation so long as you are getting your nutrients elsewhere and exercising regularly.  Fortunately for She & Him (as well as their fans) sometimes music need only sound pleasing to the ear, in which case Volume II ranks as one of the year’s best.

4.  First Aid Kit – Big Black & the Blue
The first LP from this Swedish sister act follows in the storied tradition of Swedish indie folk-pop.  The lyrics are very rich and somehow convey a wealth of life experience; no small feat for a pair of teenagers.  The real draw, however, are the lovely melodies that the sisters create together.  The new LP continues right where the debut EP Drunken Trees left off, it is difficult to separate the two.  This is not a criticism, this is a sigh of relief that the group has not yet felt the need to change their style and they have not had the all too common “sophomore slump”. 

3.  Avi Buffalo
Another group of teenagers, this time from the United States, offer a solid debut LP.  While First Aid Kit sing songs of love that seem beyond their years, Avi Buffalo focuses on songs of lust that are pretty much age appropriate.  To accompany the teenaged preoccupation with fornication, Avi Buffalo delivers carefully crafted and skillful pop arrangements that both belie and embody youthful spirit.  The songs on this album are catchy and fun; the perfect soundtrack for a summer road trip.  A little Shins-y, sometimes Stars-y, Avi Buffalo surpass all other U.S. teen groups.  My only complaint is that I would like to see front man Avigdor Zahner-Isenberg make a little more space for the wonderful female voice of Rebecca Colemen.  Top tracks for me include Truth Sets In and One Last, songs that feature both vocalists equally.  With a little more maturity in their lyrics, Avi Buffalo could be an indie mainstay for years to come.

2.  The Watson Twins – Talking to You, Talking to Me
Another sister act in my top five, this time twin sisters Leigh and Chandra Watson.  This is the second LP release for The Watson Twins, but they have produced a lot of music over the past several years, starting with their contribution to Jenny Lewis’ solo debut Rabbit Fur Coat.  While The Watson Twins have always dabbled in folk, country and pop (and continue to do so) the most striking element of Talking to You, Talking to Me is the new, relentlessly vicious soul sound that dominates the album.  Songs like Harpeth River and Midnight may sound somewhat familiar in the way that most soul songs do, but the delivery is like a heavyweight punch to gut.  The voices, keyboards, guitars and drums provide a deep aching that rattles the body and soul.  When they let up just a little on Forever Me, the result is sweet, sultry and heartbreaking.  I do not think that I could make it through an entire album of songs like this, and the twins must know that and there are a couple of pop tunes and songs with lighter harmonies to provide a nice balance.  If you have any sort of emotion bottled up, Talking to You, Talking to Me provides a truly cathartic listening experience.

1.  Beach House – Teen Dream – 
This album was released on January 26, 2010 and that was the day that it became album of the year.  Over four months later this album is still getting heavy rotation in my various music-playing devices.  While it is still early, I do not expect a better album to come along for quite some time.  In my opinion, Teen Dream is an instant classic and the bar has been set for any other artists that have designs on the top spot for 2010.  I had given Beach House’s previous releases a shot, but they did not draw me in.  Teen Dream hooked me immediately with Zebra and did not let go for the rest of the album.  Teen Dream is a fitting title for this collection of ethereal songs.  My wife commented that the album sounded depressing.  As a general rule I prefer up tempo songs and I too will dismiss songs that are simply too slow, dreary or depressing; but this album is far too nuanced to be described by any single term.  While I will argue against the depressing tag, I will say that the album is very emotive.  The best way for me to describe the emotional rush you will experience while listening to Teen Dream is to liken it to a strong memory.  The memory may be good or bad, but the fact that it is in the past gives you a better perspective with which to analyze it.  If remembering a first love for instance, you might focus on a happy moment and then start to feel down because it may not have worked out; you might then chuckle at yourself for being so young and different from today.  You may catch yourself wondering “what if” before appreciating what actually came to be.  Each song on Teen Dream can take you through the full gauntlet of emotions, perhaps touching on depression, but there is too much buried in the sounds to stop at any one emotion for too long.  Singer Victoria Legrand’s unique voice rides the dreamy instrumentation expertly; her husky intonation smoothes out beautifully as she delivers bigger notes, creating sublime crescendos in each song.  With most albums, even if I like them, there are a couple of standout tracks that become my favorites and the rest quickly fade away.  With Teen Dream, six of the ten songs have been my favorite at any given time; none of the tracks are disposable.  This is a rarity these days.  

Other quality albums released this year:

• July Flame by Laura Veirs
• Plastic Beach by Gorillaz
• Wu Massacre by Meth, Ghost and Rae
• Forgiveness Rock Record by Broken Social Scene

Biggest Sophomore Slump:

Amy MacDonald – A Curious Thing

Really?:

Here Lies Love by David Byrne and Fatboy Slim – A double album dedicated to Imelda Marcos, really?  This is just a truly bizarre release but I cannot dismiss it because it features an amazing collection of female singers including Natalie Merchant, Tori Amos, Santi White, Sharon Jones, Florence Welsch, Nellie McKay and many more.  The tone seems very positive; I do not really detect any sarcasm.  The title track features Florence Welsch and is a highlight for me.  Please give it a try and then you can explain the whole concept to me.  They know she was exiled from the Philippines, right?

Leave Your Sleep by Natalie Merchant – Another double album, this one from one of my all-time favorites.  I cannot over-emphasize how much I love Natalie Merchant, but a double album consisting entirely of lyrics taken from obscure poems, really?  Only a handful of the songs are truly listenable here and while the concept is intriguing, the result is like a master’s thesis for art school.  This is impressive on one hand, but on the other, well, I will just say that it has a limited appeal.

Biggest Disappointment:

Have One on Me by Joanna Newsom – My explanation will require an entirely separate blog entry:
stay tuned.

A Few Artists to Watch For in the Coming Months:

• Samantha Crain
• The Roots
• Wolf Parade
• Stars
• Sarah Harmer

Stephen Sharbatz lives in the Detroit area and is a relatively new father.  Stephen studied media ecology at New York University, has written album reviews for The Michigan Journal and was content editer for the official website of The Wu-Tang Clan.  Stephen's favorite artists include: Neko Case, MF DOOM, Feist and The Cardigans.Check out his new blog: http://dadsmusicandgallimaufry.blogspot.com/ 

Nashville Under Water - An update from guest blogger Kymberly Bryson

In light of recent developments in Nashville, I'm reposting Kymberly Bryson's previous guest blog entry along with an update:

As many of you may have heard, Nashville is under a disaster. May 2-3, 2010 we received downpours of rain. The Cumberland River exceeded its limit causing water to flood many areas. Interstate 24 flooded causing people to have to evacuate their cars. They watched their cars being covered by water while a building from a nearby school floated by.

Also damaged was the Opryland Hotel....a favorite to visit and stay at while in town. The Opry Mills Mall had 10 ft of water inside it. The Grand Ole Opry was a heartbreaker for many here in town. It was flooded as well. So much musical history and we're not even sure the full extent of the damage inside. 

[Photo borrowed from Anderson Cooper 360's blog on CNN.]

People have lost their homes, belongings, everything. Yet, as a community we have come together. People are lending their helping hands in all ways possible. It's amazing to hear about it and see the action taking place. Nashville wasn't prepared for this kind of disaster. Yet we are going to make it through. It's been estimated that the damage is over $1 billion. This isn't to be taken lightly.

If you'd like to help the Nashville Community please give. So many people could use the support. Vince Gill will be hosting a Flood Relief Telethon tonight [May , 2010] from 7 to 10pm CST. Proceeds will help the Salvation Army, Red Cross, and Second Harvest Food Bank. If you're not a local, you can view the program at www.wsmv.com. Also check out www.cfmt.org/floodrelief to make donations. 

Nashville thanks you for your efforts and support, and so do I.

God Bless,
Kymberly Bryson

It all starts with a song....That's a line you'll hear in Nashville, Tennessee. Filled with honkey tonks, Nashville is known as Music City. Most people in town are aspiring singer/songwriter types like myself, Kymberly Bryson. We're all here to be heard. A good song, the right connections and soon you could be on your way. I've been fortunate to play at some great venues - Fiddle and Steel Guitar Bar, Legends, Second Fiddle, The Stage - along with traveling with a band to different states. It's all been a blessing.

Currently, I'm working on a cable tv project, singing with the band Beacon Hill, and performing at Buck Wild Saloon as a karaoke jockey. I've met some great people in this town. There's nothing like a country crowd. Performing for them is always entertaining. Everyone is very welcoming. But don't be fooled, not everyone walks around in a cowboy hat and boots. From business suits to chains on jeans, Country music brings many different people together. And keep your eyes open as you walk the streets of lower Broadway. You may very well see some of Nashville's finest. Blake Shelton and Jamey Johnson have both been spotted around town along with many others. And you can't forget about the regulars. When I work at Buck Wild Saloon there are several people that come back again and again to see my show. Some join me by dancing on the bar and others get up and sing a song. It's always a pleasure to see their smiling faces along with others that stop by when they are in town.

Nashville is really a great city. From the Grand Ole Opry to the Ryman Auditorium, you're surrounded by dreams coming true and the legend behind country music. So if you're looking for a small town with a big city feel...come check out Nashville. We'll be glad to have ya'll. Oh, and be sure to look for me...Kymberly Bryson.

Links:
Facebook - Kymberly Bryson Become a Fan!
Myspace - www.myspace.com/kymberlybryson
Check out videos on www.youtube.com
Kymberly Bryson on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads
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Yoga for My Emotional Body

I was often the last person to be picked for teams in high school gym class. It was always the same story. There I'd stand, my palms sweaty on my gym shorts, watching as the team captains would first pick their friends and then those deemed by all as the most athletic. I'd feel the pit in my stomach grow as I realized if I wasn't picked soon, I'd be the last. The default pick. Mortal embarrassment for a teen age girl who wants nothing more than to fit in.

If I was lucky, the gym teacher would select one of my friends as a team captain. If I was less lucky, the captains would both be non-friends, and I wouldn't get picked until last. If I was really unlucky, the captain would be one of my friends, and I STILL wouldn't get picked because I was bad enough at most sports to be viewed as a drag on the team, even by someone who liked me.

There's little worse than watching a peer look with resignation between you and the other last person standing, sigh, and then shrug a resigned shoulder as if to say "They both suck. Do I have to pick one?"

My lack of popularity when it comes to sports picks was understandable, even by me. I was clumsy and scared of getting hurt. I was the girl to dodge the volleyball. I was the girl to call out "yours" more often than "mine"! I was the girl who waited for the softball to drop on the ground in front of me before I scooped it up to return it to first base. It wasn't that I wasn't capable of being athletic. I was healthy, somewhat tall for my age and had decent aim. But I was non-aggressive and too afraid of making a mistake. I'd volunteer for referee or bat-girl any day.

This is why, as an adult, I love yoga. No one has to pick me. I don't have to worry about dropping the ball and letting everyone down. I can be strong. I can grow in my practice. I can perform at my level. And it's all about me. It's only about what I'm doing on the mat that matters.

I began practicing yoga about 8 months ago. With the exception of a short sabbatical while I was healing from wrist surgery, I've gone at least once or twice a week since then. Each time I go, I grow stronger. I bask in the praise from the instructors - when I hear "excellent expression" as my teacher walks by me, I feel strong, empowered, and far removed from the unpicked girl in the school yard.

I've learned a few things as a new yogi that I'd like to share. If you're afraid of trying yoga like I was afraid of dodgeball in school, maybe this will bring you to the studio:

General Tips

1. It's really all about you. There's no judgment. No one laughs if you can't hold a position or if you topple out of a challenging pose. There's an accepting nature in yoga unlike in any other type of fitness I've seen, even when working out alone at the gym.

2. Work at your level. No matter what difficulty level of the class, if there's a pose you can't do, don't do it. If you want to give it a try, only go as far as you can into the pose that it doesn't cause you pain. If needed, signal the instructor and whisper a request for a modification or alternative exercise. For example, with my healing wrist, I can't do Hero pose, which requires one to balance on their hands using two blocks, lifting the entire body off the floor. Chances are, I might not be able to accomplish this feat anyway - but I can't put weight on my wrist right now to find out. So I do a completely different pose. I do Boat pose, which works the core of the body without using the arms at all. I found out to do this by talking with the instructor before class and letting him know my area of difficulty so he could make recommendations ahead of time.

3. Enjoy the meditation. It's hard to remember to breathe when you are exerting yourself in a tough pose, but breathing really does help you get through it. It gives you something to focus on and comforts you with the thought that no one is watching what you are doing as they are meditating on their own breathing, too.

4. Don't get frustrated. I don't care how athletic you are in normal life, yoga is something different. There will be poses you can't do right away, that you can't do all the way, or that you can't hold for an extended period of time. Some yogi wrote in an ancient text 2500 years ago, "Practice where you are" or something along those lines. It holds true. You will get better, even if it's just in being able to reach your toes a little better or remembering to keep your shoulder blades together while trying a new posture. But it's okay to only do what you can do and if you are stressing about your lack of progress or your inability to twist your leg behind your head, you're not receiving the full benefit of the experience.

5. Do a little research before you go. My first class, the instructor would say the names of positions and I didn't know what they were. Everyone else would be moving into position and I was taken out of my own meditative practice to watch others for cues. This isn't how every teacher does it. I've since found an instructor who guides us into the poses by telling us where to put our parts and then tells us the name of the pose we're in. But if you have a teacher like the former, it helps to know the "basic" poses - such as Downward Facing Dog and Child's pose. Just do a little Googling. If you can't do that, position your mat at the back of the studio and watch others the first few times. You won't get the self-focused meditative aspect of the practice, but you'll learn quickly. Just remember, you don't want others to judge you, so don't judge those you observe while you are learning. Everyone is in a different place in their practice.

6. Observe yoga studio etiquette. Yoga isn't about being popular, but you don't want to be the jerk either. If you are using a studio mat instead of your own, clean it off when you are done. Most good studios have a bottle of disinfectant and paper towels. Don't put your mat too close to others mats. Clean up after yourself - the yoga instructor isn't your maid. Put any bolsters or blankets you use away when you're done. Refrain from conversation in yoga unless the culture of your class seems to encourage it.

7. Don't be afraid. If I can do yoga, you can do yoga! There are special yoga classes for certain limitations, including yoga for the back, yoga for the emotional body, yoga for the neck and spine, yoga for pregnancy and many more. Start with a basic class and avoid HOT vinyasa classes at first. Hot vinyasa is when they heat the room up to sweltering temperatures. I find that extra sweating means extra slippage on the mat which isn't the best for someone just learning.

8. Yoga is not against your religion. Yes, there is some stuff about balancing shakras and ancient words for the positions, but you don't have to attend a class that's heavy on that - and every teacher is different. It's really about finding your own peace, not about worshiping anyone or anything.

Some Not So General Tips

1. Don't worry if you smell. If others can smell you, your mat is too close, but it's okay to sweat.

2. Wear comfortable clothes that cover your body. I like to say, if I can see your vajayjay during Downward Dog, go shopping.

3. Don't eat a huge meal before yoga. A food baby will make it harder to get in the poses. Also, your teacher will keep telling you to pull in your stomach and won't realize you ARE, it's just not obvious with all that food in your belly.

4. Breathing deeply in yoga is expected. Tortured groans are distracting. If you are groaning aloud, you are doing a position you shouldn't or trying to push yourself too far.

5. I highly recommend what's known in my circle as "detox/retox". Nothing tastes as good after challenging yoga as a Cosmopolitan or other drink. Going to yoga with friends and having a drink after will incentivize you to keep going. It's probably not something your yoga teacher would recommend, but I'm not your yoga teacher. Drink up.

6. When your teacher says "You may find that your body is speaking to you more strongly in this pose" the interpretation is "You might notice this hurts. And you will notice it hurts even more tomorrow."

7. I've been told that when you lose your balance during a balance posture (read: a posture where you are doing things while standing on one leg), it's not your fault. It's the earth moving on its axis that caused you to bobble. I love to blame things on the universe, so I embrace this reasoning.

8. If your class is described as "serene" or "calming" yoga, don't interpret that as easy. I don't think there is any easy yoga, especially when you are a beginner, though it does get better.

Hope these tips help! Remember, yoga is all about you. No judgment. No school yard picks. Though you never thought of yourself as fit or as an accomplished athlete, yoga has something for everyone - even me.